Yoga and Heartbreak
“Life is a school in which every sorrow, every pain, every heartbreak brings a precious lesson.”
Emotional memory
Most of us have experienced heartbreak. My first was during adolescence. It was unpleasant enough that for nearly 23 years I avoided the word ‘love’ and resisted developing serious, sincere, and committed relationships for the same period; including that of guru-discipleship.
I came face to face with my avoidance patterns and suppressed emotions during a long stay at the ashram. There, you can’t really hide from anyone. Every time I experienced (non-romantic) interpersonal challenges with a fellow resident, I was either assigned the same room or placed in the same department!
Ashram life often produces breakthroughs and I experienced one as a re-awakening of my emotional body. I felt love in a conscious way again and, after leaving, began a committed relationship. When challenges arose and not staying together became a possibility, I was transported back to the traumatized state of heartbreak of my youth and other accumulated experiences of perceived rejection.
There was a backlog of emotions which had never been released, and it was significantly affecting the current relationship as well as daily life. The inner work to be done had been patiently awaiting.
Encouraging expression
“[In] itself grief is not bad or negative; it is the management of grief that is important.”
Having spent many years trying to undo habitual patterns of suppression, the intention now was on allowing myself to be emotionally present and open during this period.
For brevity, I’m highlighting two sets of heightened emotional states during this time and practices that encouraged expression of each. In actuality, a diverse range of heavy emotions were experienced and an equally broad range of practices identified for effectively working with them.
Acute anxiety and insomnia
I know people who experience acute anxiety. I never could have imagined how intense it is for them! Visualize being in a race car at full speed with the accelerator stuck down driving through a busy street and the steering wheel is broken.
The anxiety attacks were predominately at night, so finding a way to get some rest was a priority. Antar Mouna (Inner Silence) and Yoga Nidra (Yogic Sleep) proved to be very effective methods for immediate relief.
Alternating between stages 3 and 1 of Antar Mouna created a dynamic where the mind was given full freedom to hyper-focus on anxious thoughts (stage 3), then experience the full range and amplitude of sensations triggered by these thoughts (stage 1). As the body relaxed into the practice, this sequence consistently produced full-body shaking, extreme temperature fluctuations, and waves of fear. When those would subside, Yoga Nidra commenced with a few preparatory rounds of the tense & release variation of Naukasana (Boat Pose). The yoga nidra reliably reduced the anxiety significantly; enough to onset sleep.
Grief and sadness
“The meaning of Rudra is one who cries. As we move from one [stage of consciousness] to the other there is a letting go of the things that previously held us back. When those things are left behind, then grief comes. ”
Not having cried in the waking state since adolescence, expressing grief and sadness was a challenge. There was a palpable build up of both; experienced mainly as a wringing of the heart. It felt most akin to repressed nausea; something wanting to come out but not wanting to experience the full force of it.
With that hint I adopted Kujal Kriya (Water Vomiting). Kunjal has been recognized to be effective in emotional release. The second practice was a modification of Simha Garjanasana (Roaring Lion).
I had a student who was also experiencing emotional distress and noticed a block in the Vishuddhi area during Simha Garjanasana. It was clear they could not drop the sound below the throat. From experiments on myself, I also found the area of Vishuddhi to be blocked.
The only way to drop from a head sound to a gut sound was to produce a wail rather than attempt a roar. Connect to current and old pain when doing the practice, and support the release of sound and air by slightly pumping the stomach until there is silence. It will sound like distressed sobbing. I had neighbors check on me during this practice!
Modifying Roaring Lion to produce a wail is very effective at stirring up accumulated grief and sadness! In Nepal, I had observed a procession of women pseudo-wailing during a death ceremony. A friend mentioned that wailers are invited to funerals in Ireland, as well, to encourage people to mourn freely. In Spain they call them Las Lloronas; the crying women.
The effect of Kunjal Kriya plus modified Roaring Lion is not always immediate. It’s best aided by monitoring the body-mind communication from a distance (Drashta Bhavana). I caught myself trying to suppress the upsurge of sadness and desire to cry multiple times and had to consciously and repeatedly ask my mind to back off and encourage my body to let anything out.
Twelve hours later from the first time I did the sequence, it produced a cathartic release. The tears brought with them glimpses into what I was holding on to. The feeling of lightness and relief afterwards was blissful.
Through practice, the time between the final round of modified Roaring Lion and emotional release reduced to a few hours, and then a few minutes. When the “roar” for Simha Garjanasana can be produced from the belly, it’s an indication that the block has been (temporarily) cleared.
Encouraging healing and clarity
Although this article does not go into it, there are a number of attitudinal practices which support lightness and clarity after clearing. These include morning mantra sadhana, and cultivating jignasa (curiosity - in the experience), shraddha (faith - in oneself), kshyama (forgiveness - to and from others), and mauna (measured silence).
Learning to be human
“If you are grieving and you are able to provide a direction for yourself, that becomes yoga.”
We are marvels of engineering and as is true for any intelligently designed system, we express our full potential when properly maintained. Yoga offers techniques to systematically access and tune some of our deepest programming; the autonomic functions - blinking breathing, physical and mental movement patterns, defecation, urination, laughing, crying, sleeping, dreaming, and even healing (to name a few).
Emotions are also highly regulated by our autonomic nervous system. In the pancha-kosha (five-sheath) framework, emotions both affect and are affected by the harmony between the physical, energetic, and mental layers. When an emotion is blocked, or the motion of internal energy disrupted, we feel it deeply throughout our being. This in turn ripples into our outer personality, external actions, and daily lives.
Through the application of various yoga techniques, we can accelerate the process of returning to a state of relative balance. Throughout the process, there is immense opportunity for understanding, not only of oneself, but of others, as well.
We inherit all the faculties of a human during birth, but it takes time to realize and integrate them. It is only in the last six months I feel I am accepting that inheritance and really learning to be one. In embracing my humanity, and allowing myself to feel depth of emotions without suppression, I am granted insights into interacting with others humanely. The increase in empathy has been immense.
Om Tat Sat
Sn. Satchidananda